Top Ten Reasons why David Schmidt does not have a Curriculum Vitae
10. It's so long and detailed that nobody would ever bother to read it any way, and even if they did, wacko affiliate William Barre would have to kill them
9. David Schmidt is part of a secret alien Earth invasion force and the Borg Overlords neglected to provide him with an appropriate educational and work resume cover story
8. His parents worked at Sea World in the sixties training seals for a variety show and, while they did encourage David to join the Navy, all David remembers about that time of his life is something to do with "Navy Seals".
7. David was such a genius in third grade that the principal at Buford Elementary got him a college diploma from Troy University and sent him home to build robots, oxygen generators and non-transdermal patches.
6. He has one, but the information contained therein is a proprietary secret and cannot be revealed. Please don't ask again.
5. It's written in Borg and no Earthling could possibly translate it.
4. David left it with the guys at his first two failed Lifewave MLM companies and they won't give it back.
3. He plans to release it as soon as he completes his G.E.D.
2. David is still trying to understand the difference between "nano-technology" and "anal-technology"
1. He's still holding out for a job as the summer replacement for "Bill Nye the Science Guy" on PBS